I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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