Im at strip club and am horny
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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