I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
