hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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