I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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