True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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