We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
3 2 1 whiskey
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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