It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
