you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
