did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
