Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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