Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
