Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
