so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
