I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
