barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
