I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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