I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
