Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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