mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
