She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
