my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
