She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
