so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
