I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently you make a good broom.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
