life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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