I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
