Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
