I am puke
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
