Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
