I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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