listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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