I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
