I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
