successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
