Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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