Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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