I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
