I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
