Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
