she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
