remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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