You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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