the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
