I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
did i just pee glitter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
