the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
