Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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