areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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