Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
