winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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