I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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