this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
