So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
