you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
