the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
